Call me when Tiger wants to talk. For real.

Tomorrow morning, at 8am PST, I'll get into my car to go to work and be subjected to the charade of Tiger Wood's comeback press conference.

Scratch that.

It won't be a press conference.

Because an actual press conference is not given to a small, intimate gathering of friends and colleagues that just so happens to have some friendly, cherry-picked press milling about.

At a real press conference, the media in attendance would be allowed to ask questions.

Instead, apparently, Tiger is going to have some people over to the PGA Tour headquarters, serve some tea and crumpets and maybe some Perkins pie and read a statement.

A press conference?

Hogwash.

Back in the aftermath of the accident, I wrote that Tiger should come clean and clarify the events that led to his accident. Set the record straight, tell the whole truth and we all could move on. I was referring simply to the car accident at that point.

The story kept growing and growing as details about his infidelity came out and the list of waitresses and other random assorted women kept cropping up. Crude jokes about Tiger Woods playing 18 holes off the course popped up on social networking sites.

Tiger became a recluse. He may or may not have had plastic surgery. He may or may not have been in Mississippi recently in sex rehab. Sponsors jumped ship. The PGA Tour season started.

Now, with the Accenture Match Play taking place (a former sponsor of Tiger and the first company to bail on him) Tiger decides it's time to come out of the rabbit hole and speak about what has happened to him over the last three months.

I'm sure that those lucky members of the press corps that will be there have to be ecstatic about being granted access to Tiger for this event.

But it's a hollow gesture at best.

I understand it can take some time to truly acknowledge bad things that happen to you.

By not holding a real press conference and staging this managed event instead, though, I don't think you are going to garner much, if any, sympathy.

I know, I know: If he comes back and wins the Masters in April, we will quickly forget all about his adventures of Thanksgiving weekend.

However, I find the need to hold a monologue tomorrow to be a colossal waste of time.

In the aftermath of the accident, he was perfectly okay with just issuing statements through his website.

So why the dog and pony show now?

What could possibly be gained by doing this event this way?

Just release the statement, indicate when you're coming back, and show up at that tournament.

Unless, of course, the statement he reads winds up coming off like this: